You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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