GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
