He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
