You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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