Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
