You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
