hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
