On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
