Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
