hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I look better un-naked...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
