you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
