You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
