life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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