4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
