I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
