youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
