Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have to summon your inner elephant
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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