I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
