Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
