next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
