So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
