I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drake has all the answers
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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