just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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