I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
