This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
