By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
