Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
