just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone says I win the strip club
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
