I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You may now shotgun with the bride
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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