Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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