I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
