everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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