I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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