I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My ass is underappreciated
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
