dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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