my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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