You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
