im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
