Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
