I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
