Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
