she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
