I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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