i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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