ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
