You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
