She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
