Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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