we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
