This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
