And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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