I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
