i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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