I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
