listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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