Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
nutella sex= disaster
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
