very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
