Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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