mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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