I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
