is wine microwaveable?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What drink are we having for lunch?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
