Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
