I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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