He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
