I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
