On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
