her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
