I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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