Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize