last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
